===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== TTTTT H H EEEEE CCCC OOO M M PPPP L EEEEE TTTTT EEEEE T H H E C O O MM MM P P L E T E T H H E C O O M M M P P L E T E T HHHHH EEEE C O O M M PPPP L EEEE T EEEE T H H E C O O M M P L E T E T H H E C O O M M P L E T E T H H EEEEE CCCC OOO M M P LLLLL EEEEE T EEEEE AAA DDDD V V EEEEE N N TTTTT U U RRRR EEEEE SSSS A A D D V V E N N T U U R R E S A A D D V V E NN N T U U R R E S A A D D V V EEEE N N N T U U RRRR EEEE SSS AAAAA D D V V E N NN T U U R R E S A A D D V V E N N T U U R R E S A A DDDD V EEEEE N N T UUUUU R R EEEEE SSSS OOO FFFFF O O F O O F O O FFFF O O F O O F OOO F TTTTT H H EEEEE L OOO N N EEEEE PPPP EEEEE RRRR K K III N N SSSS * * * T H H E L O O N N E P P E R R K K I N N S * * * *** T H H E L O O NN N E P P E R R K K I NN N S *** ** ** T HHHHH EEEE L O O N N N EEEE PPPP EEEE RRRR KKK I N N N SSS ** ** *** T H H E L O O N NN E P E R R K K I N NN S *** * * * T H H E L O O N N E P E R R K K I N N S * * * T H H EEEEE LLLLL OOO N N EEEEE P EEEEE R R K K III N N SSSS ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== ===== WRITTEN BY : ALBERT J. CORDA , RICHARD S. HOLMES , AND DAVID B. KINDER
THE FIRST QUESTION EVER ASKED OF US WAS NOT: "HOW DID YOU THINK UP THOSE WONDERFUL CHARACTERS?" OR "WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR IDEAS FOR THOSE GREAT STORIES?" OR EVEN "WHEN DID YOU FIRST THINK OF WRITING THOSE FANTASTIC EPISODES?" BUT RATHER: "WHY ?". WE CAN'T ANSWER THAT. AS FOR THE OTHER QUESTIONS.... ON OR ABOUT THE THIRTEENTH OF SEPTEMBER (YES, THAT WAS A FRIDAY) DAVID B. KINDER WENT TOWARDS THE CLASSROOM IN THE BACK OF W A C C C TO GET A COPY OF THE WATFOR COMPILER ERROR MESSAGES. (MISTAKE #1). ALONG THE WAY, HE MET HIS ROOM-MATE RICHARD HOLMES, EXCHANGED A WORD OF GREETING, EXPLAINED WHERE HE WAS GOING AND WAS THUSLY JOINED BY RICH ON THIS MISSION (MISTAKE #2). UPON ARRIVING AT THE CLASSROOM, THEY SPIED ED PERKINS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BLACK BOARD. HE HAD A PIECE OF CHALK IN HIS HAND, AND A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND INVITED US IN; WE ENTERED (MISTAKE #3). ED THEN PROCEEDED TO SHOW US THE FOLLOWING "CHEMICAL FORMULA": HI-O-AG HE ASKED: 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS STANDS FOR ?', TRYING TO HOLD BACK A GIGGLE. WE BOTH LOOKED ARDUOUSLY AT THAT CRYPTOGRAPHIC MESSAGE AND WITH OUR 'EXTENSIVE' HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY TRAINING TRIED TO NAME A SUITABLE COMPOUND: 'HYDROXIDE OF SILVER ?', ASKED DAVID B. 'SILVER SNARFIDE ?' POSED RICHARD. 'NO AND NO' ANSWERED ED. WE BOTH THOUGHT AGAIN, AND BEFORE LONG, A WAVE OF NAUSEA SWEPT ACROSS BOTH OF OUR FACES. FOR WE BOTH KNEW WHAT THIS MYSTERIOUS 'EQUATION' STOOD FOR. DAVID B. SAID: 'NO...NOT HI-O-SILVER !!?' A BROAD SMILE APPEARED ACROSS ED'S FACE. IT WAS LUCKY FOR HIM THAT WE TOO SHARED SUCH A WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR. AFTER A FEW MORE VICTIMS HAD BEEN CAUGHT WITH THERE THINKERS DOWN, INCLUDING SUCH INTELLECTUALS AS ALBERT CORDA AND DAVID (CAPT. DUMMY) EDGERTON, IDEAS STARTED GENERATING IN THE MINDS OF ALL THOSE PRESENT IN THAT CLASSROOM. PHRASES SUCH AS : 'WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?' 'I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE LEFT THIS SILVER DECTAPE!' SPRANG UP OUT OF NOWHERE. LATER THAT WEEK, OR EARLY THE NEXT WEEK, FOR NO EXPLAINABLE REASON, AND WITH NO ACCOMPLICES, RICHARD CREATED LP.FOO FROM THOSE PHRASES GENERATED IN THE CLASSROOM AND THOSE WHICH FOLLOWED THAT DAY. TO DATE, IT REMAINS ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST MYSTERIES WHY RICHARD TYPED IN THIS FILE: 'LP' STANDING FOR 'LONE PERKINS' AND 'FOO' TAKEN FROM THE TERMINAL USER'S GUIDE (PRELIMINARY VERSION) PUT OUT BY W A C C C. THE ONLY GREATER MYSTERY IS: WHY WAS LP2 WRITTEN ? WE MUST ASSUME THAT IT IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS MAN WILL NEVER KNOW. RICH WAS AGAIN RESPONSIBLE (OR IRRESPONSIBLE) FOR ITS BEING TYPED, ALTHOUGH, DAVID B. MUST ASSUME AT LEAST PART OF THE BLAME FOR SOME OF THE MATERIAL CONTAINED THEREIN. THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A SEQUEL TO LP.FOO CAUSED SOME PEOPLE TO MAKE THE ERRONEOUS ASSUMPTION THAT WE WERE GOING TO WRITE A SERIES. THEY BEGAN TO ASK, 'WHEN IS LP3 COMING OUT?' RICH BEGAN TO SUSPECT THAT HE HAD A TIGER BY THE TAIL. OR PERHAPS A TGR BY THE TALE. ANYHOW, HE APPROACHED HIS UNSUSPECTING FRIENDS DAVID B. AND NOVA AND SUCKERED THEM INTO COLLABORATING WITH HIM. THUS LP3 WAS BORN. FROM THERE ON, EVERYTHING ELSE WAS INEVITABLE. ONLY ONE THING WORRIED OUR ILLUSTRIOUS TRIO OF HUMORISTS: WOULD WE BE ABLE TO STOP ? WHAT IF WE RAN OUT OF INSPIRATION? EMERGENCY PLANS WERE DRAWN UP FOR A TRAGIC FINAL EPISODE, KILLING OFF MOST OF THE CHARACTERS, IN CASE WE COULD FIND NO BETTER, LESS DESPERATE WAY TO EXTRICATE OURSELVES FROM THE TRAP WE HAD DUG FOR OURSELVES. THE NEWS THAT ED WAS LEAVING AT THE END OF DECEMBER, WHILE TRULY REGRETTED, PROVIDED US WITH A WAY OUT. THE OPPORTUNITY DID NOT SLIP BY UNSEIZED. LP10 WAS THE LAST OF THE SERIES. WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK EDWARD G. PERKINS, AL JOHANNESON, GREG WALSH, MARC RAMSEY, KENT MULTER, RAY BETTERINI, DAVID EDGERTON, LEN GOLDBERG, DENNIS LALIBERTY, AND DAVID GRONDALSKI FOR THE GRACEFUL WAY THEY ACCEPTED THEIR ROLES IN THE ADVENTURES OF ***THE LONE PERKINS***. THEIR ATTITUDES RANGED FROM RESIGNED TOLERANCE TO OUTRIGHT ENCOURAGEMENT OF OUR CAUSE. DAVID GRONDALSKI WAS ESPECIALLY PATIENT, CONSIDERING HIS POSITION, AND DESERVES A SPECIAL MENTION. THANK YOU , GENTLEMEN. WE ALSO WANT TO THANK THE UNKNOWN PERSON WHO POSTED THE 'FREE GRONY' SIGNS, AND DAVID WOLFF OF THE GRONY LIBERATION ORGANIZATION FOR SOME UNEXPECTED PUBLICITY AND A FEW GOOD LAUGHS (YES DAVID, GRONY IS FREE!). IN ADDITION, THANKS TO JOHN MAJOR AND STEVE KOVNER WHOSE NOT-VERY-SUBTLE 'ADVENTURES OF THE GREAT RAMSEY' PROMPTED US TO SIGN LP6 AND TO HIRE A LAWYER. BUT OUR BIGGEST THANKS GO TO ED PERKINS. WITHOUT HIM, THE LP ADVENTURES WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE. THEY WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN NECESSARY, EITHER, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. GOOD LUCK TO YOU, ED, IN WHATEVER THE FUTURE HAS IN STORE. AND SOME DAY, WHEN YOU HAVE BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS, YOU WILL NO DOUBT THINK BACK TO THE THE DAYS YOU WERE THE LONE PERKINS, AND YOU WILL ASK YOURSELF: 'WHY ?' WE CAN'T ANSWER THAT.
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